Michael
Lia (March 2010)
Rating:
of 5
I like it! Female on the Beach starring Miss Joan Crawford as an alluring Rich Widow with a wardrobe fit for the Riviera. She is playing a woman that she understands and she does it well. If you give this film a chance and look a little closer, it really is a minor classic.
Many elements worked this time for Miss Crawford -- thanks to Universal for setting this film up and the producer Albert Zugsmith for taking a one-time chance with Miss Crawford. (He has a few good films under his belt; unfortunately, soon after this film, he started turning out sixties sex kitten movies.)
A person like Mr. Harry Cohn of Columbia Pictures was there for Joan during these freelancing years. I often wonder had Mr. Cohn lived longer (he died in 1957) if Miss Crawford might have had a few more decent roles after Esther Costello (filmed in 1956 and released in 1957). She could still bring in cash at the box office!
Female on the Beach is not a great script by any means, but the writers allow Miss Crawford to keep her acting varied, and she sails into the fifties with an even wider audience and a new appeal in her cinema characters.
She has the gowns and outfits to match the script's love and suspense. Miss Crawford has some moments of intensity and at times is surprisingly fragile. She really comes across and has a unique supporting cast to top everything off, so no one gets bored.
Another great element in this film is Mr. Hunky -- Jeff Chandler, playing a character that is both likeable and dislikeable. Hard to do anywhere, although I can identify. He absolutely matches Miss Crawford throughout the entire film and makes her frosty charm turn into a happy woman, free and loving; probably the same thing happens to the entire female audience and some of the fellas, too!! He makes Miss Crawford beautiful, sexy and romantic, and she loves it.
There are other interesting folks that have some great scenes with Miss Crawford: Jan Sterling (wonderful in The High and the Mighty) is the real estate agent. She plays with such great confidence and her talent really does shine, even in this almost-B film. Cecil Kellaway is a real character. It is fun to see him with Miss Crawford because he has been everywhere and she gets a chance to act with this superb actor. He is in business with greedy, selfish, but very stylish Miss Natalie Schafer; the rats they play and the money they make from swindling rich widows (who are always lonely and love to play cards) using hunky beefcake Mr. Chandler to procure the funds for their lazy lifestyle! They are highly entertaining and add a fun dynamic to the story.
The role of the detective is played by the colorless Charles Drake (Now Voyager, Harvey), who gives an honest portrayal of a cop wanting to nab a murderer. I think he is intrigued with Miss Crawford and the people at the beach; he is very dry and cautious but he has a voice that is great to listen to. I always love to see character actress Marjorie Bennett (Baby Jane, Autumn Leaves); here she is playing a small role as Miss Crawford’s maid. I have to mention the actress Judith Evelyn, who is an excellent actress (look for her in Rear Window as “Miss Lonelyhearts”). She has quite a stage background and is a total professional. The short amount of her film time is mostly in flashbacks, except for the opening.
Miss Crawford, even in her bad films, has amassed a resume of talented people that in the history of films and Hollywood has been almost unbeatable; the pool of artists she got to be in contact with is more than impressive. Miss Crawford, despite not being recognized as such by the critics, can actually be counted as one of the founders of Hollywood and the Cinema, and here she continues with great style.
OK, let me just close by saying that you will find this film and Miss Crawford very enjoyable. I also like Miss Crawford showing some leg; the cameraman (the great Charles Lang) shows off Miss Crawford with a grand, sexy, mature appeal, which is alluring.
The director Joseph Pevney handles things well and keeps his focus and the actors playing along with the story in a friendly way, not losing the suspense for the big build-up at the ending .There is enough in Female on the Beach for me to have an enjoyable night in Miss Crawford’s theatre, and you will too!
Kelly Pearce (March 2009)
Rating:
- 3/4 of 5
“Female on the Beach” is tawdry, sleazy, and hilarious. In this outing, Crawford was entering the sunset of her career. She was still stunningly beautiful, but this is where the “hard-faced Joan” becomes difficult to miss. Joan’s performance in “Female on the Beach” is gaudy, bitchy, and unforgettable.
Crawford plays “Lynn Markham,” an ex “specialty dancer” who, recently widowed, inherits her dead gambler husband’s fortune, and a beach-front property in Balboa, California. The house Lynn moves into isn’t without its ghosts, though. The night before Lynn is to take possession of the property, the previous tenant, drunk and distraught over the end of her relationship to gigolo boyfriend, Drummy (played by Jeff Chandler), accidentally takes a terminal dive off of the balcony. Understandably, the property manager / estate agent (played by Jan Sterling) neglects to mention it to Lynn (even though there are police wandering around and there is a noticeable section of railing missing from the balcony). Adding to the sordidness, Lynn’s new neighbors, Queenie and Osbert Sorenson (played by Natalie Schafer and Cecil Kellaway) are oily grifters that are, for all intents and purposes, pimping Drummy.
Lynn’s new abode is a hive of activity. People are always dropping in unexpectedly. Drummy just comes and goes whenever he feels like it; the police pop in and out of the house unannounced. Lynn objects to the constant stream of people, but her pleas to be “left alone” fall on deaf ears. Drummy gloms on to her, and pursues her with all the subtly of a leather queen in a gay parade. Lynn plays hard to get, but we all know that she’s secretly hot for him. Interestingly, her character understands and accepts that Drummy is a gigolo. She knows that he will cost her money, and that in reality, he wouldn’t give her a second look if she wasn’t rich. Lynn, however, has her hunk goggles on, and only sees a hustler with a hard body and a heart of gold. To be sure, this is potent material for 1950’s America. At that time, a man with a gold digging woman on his arm was de rigueur – but a woman with a gold digging man?! That was, and is still, a rarity. In many ways, Crawford was ahead of the curve.
As the story progresses, Lynn discovers Eloise Crandall’s diary (the previous tenant of the beach house, the one who took the dive off of her balcony). Lynn reads Eloise’s account of how Queenie and Osbert (aided by Drummy) fleeced her out of her money. Incensed by what she reads, Lynn negatively intensifies her tone toward all. The stage is now set for some of the most memorable one-liners in movie history, and Crawford delivers the goods with perfect pronunciation: “I’d like to ask you to stay and have a drink, but I’m afraid you might accept.” Lynn responds to this question: “Would you like us to leave?” She says, “As far as you’d like, another continent, preferably.” Lynn talks about Eloise’s impression of Drummy: “Her lover had the instincts of a stallion and the pride of an alley cat.” She continues, “You were made for your profession – all very nicely put together – nice to look at, nice to touch; the great god of the senses, sparkling on the beach. Until you realize that sewers empty into the ocean. I wouldn’t have you if you were hung with diamonds, upside down!”
Drummy, annoyed by Lynn’s verbal attack, decides to prove that she has him all wrong, so (of course) he decides to take her by force (yes, she slaps him, and fights, but she submits, because that rough stuff is a turn on, right?). Following their romp in the sand, Drummy (bastard that he is) doesn’t call. Pining for her man, Lynn turns to the bottle and there ensues a hilarious scene with her stumbling through the house. The ending of the movie is improbable, but neat and entertaining.
“Female on the Beach” is a vehicle that highlights Crawford’s willingness to participate in a mockery of her established film personae, her talent for high (and I mean high) melodrama, and (in this instance) her comedic ability – whether it was intended it or not, she’s hilarious in “Female on the Beach.” What some might not appreciate, though, is that it takes an extremely talented actor to make the most unlikely characters seem real – Crawford’s “Lynn Markham” was real.
(“Female on the Beach” has been posted on You Tube. I snagged a reasonably good copy from Yammering Magpie Cinema.)
Richie Williamson (June 2007)
Rating:
of 5
In this movie, Joan Crawford has finally transformed into the gay man that she would eventually master in Johnny Guitar. Here we see her in every gay man's fantasy of the irresistibly available hunk at the beach: Her silly attempts at playing hard to get, get her got and that scene on the boat where she serves drinks and other one-liners -- we know what "going below deck" really means here. Her paranoia over the diary in the fireplace adds reams to the suspense and we culminate in a dramatic climax (and I use that term loosely) where the hunk and the she-male live happily ever after.
I give it a 5 Star rating in the High Camp Genre -- you have to see it to believe it!
